you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
