you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
