hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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