It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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