I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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