My sheets look like a crime scene.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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