9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
