but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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