They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
