she looked like the before picture.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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