i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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