I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
