i need an iv and a liver transplant
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
