I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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