you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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