I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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