I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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