hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
