Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
