Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
