Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize