There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
birth control should be required to get into college
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
