We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
