Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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