Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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