At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
