i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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