Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
