I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize