): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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