you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
