Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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