Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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