as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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