Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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