Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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