I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mom said you looked used
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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