if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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