Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
