the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
