Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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