I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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