I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
