Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
