This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
