apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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