it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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