Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
