i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
