You're my little dorito
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
