The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
