Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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