it hurts more in the daytime
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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