That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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