consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
