yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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