grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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