hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
