there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
