Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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