How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
