you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
