As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So vagazzling was a success
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
