Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She bit a glass in half.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boobs speak an international language.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
