People in love make me want to vomit
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
