We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
